Asylum
by Don't Forget. 3 Oct 11
Summary: It's new moon and edward decides to leave. but bella wont go w/ out a fight. and then when he leaves shes devastated. she was locked away like an animal, now six monthes later she gets a visitor. ED/B
1. leaving

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or plot line**

**some of this is actually from the book and it took forever to re-type.**

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his ex-pression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask

"Why now? Another year--"

"Bella, it's time. Hom much longer can we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barly pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon

regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to under-

stand what he meant.

He stared back codly.

With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

"When you say _we_--," I whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word seperarate and distinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying toclear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay,' I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going...It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be rediculious." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper-- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay--"

"As long as it was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"_No! _This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me-- somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You have my soul. I don't want it without you--it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder--like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was saying

"You're lying." I accused. I watched shock flash across his face then disapperm, replaced by the hard mask.

"I never planned for you to stay with me. You and I arn't meant to be together." he said emotionlessly

"What about all the times you said you loved me? Were you lying all the times you said you couldn't stay away. I don't believe you, Edward. I don't!" I yelled hearing the truth in my own words.

"Bella--"

"Please," I whispered lowering my voice , "I love you too much to just let you walk away."

"Bella," he whispered again his face torn "don't do this. I have to go. We can't be together. I'm sorry."

He turned to leave. I reached out and grabed his arm. He spun around at my touch. I threw my arms around him and kissed him as passtionatly as I could. I breathed in his scent, pulling myself into his stone chest. He stood frozen in shock before he responded. He swiftly removed my choke hold on him and stepped away.

As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded helplessly.

"Yes," I whispered in defeat.

He seemed to relax just a little

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It'll be as if I never exsisted."

And with that he left. I saw a streak of white and an unnatural breeze.

"NO!" I shouted helplessly.

"Please, god. No, no, no, no,....."

My knees bucked and I fell to the ground. I crossed my arms and held them to my chest.

How could he go? How could he just pack up and leave? He didn't even let Alice say good-bye! What about Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, even Rosalie? Why did they agree? I thought they cared for me too!

My body started shaking, as the sobs ripped through me. I gasped for air, my breath caught in my throat. I fell on my side and let the pain have me. It corsed through my body like fire. Doing away with me. I felt sick and tired as I closed my eyes.

I layed like that for hours. The slight breezed turned into a rushing chill.

The last thing I heard was my name being called. It wasn't my angels voice. I wasn't going to answer.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**rEvEiW!!!!!!!!!! review!!!! the next chapters much better i promise**


	2. asylum

**Disclaimer: sorry i own none of the characters :*(**

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

"Get up and eat! Meals ready!" a voice called.

I watched the bottom of the door open and a tray of food slide in. I looked at for a minute and then turned back to staring at the wall.

"If you don't eat it now, I'm tossing it out!" the voice shouted again.

I sighed and got up to go sit by my tray. I knew they couldn't leave untill I was done. I picked up my spoon and started moving the food around my plate. I took a bite of the corn. It was mushy and watery and tasted like week old milk. I lifted my spoon up and took another bite.

"Hurry up! We don't have all day!" the voice yealled once more.

So it was day. I didn't know and they wouldn't tell me. There were no windows in my room. If you could call it a room.

I stared at my padded wall. I watched the cameras on the celing. What did they think I was gonna do? Beat myself against the cusions?

I finished my meal and went to go sit on my bed. the cot squeaked as I crossed my legs. I stared at the metal door.

Hmm... wonder why its not padded. like everything else. Well not everything else. The toliet and sink weren't covered in foam. They didn't bother covering my bed in scuishy plastic either. Rock rubber as most patients put it.

I sat and memorized invisible patterns on the wall. I got up and went to wash my hands. I finished and whiped my hands on my shirt. Probably too afraid I'd hang myself w/ a paper towel roll if they gave me one.

"Miss Swan, Dr. Veera is here to see you now," a woman on a speaker spoke.

I looked towards the door and waited for it to open. When it did two people steped in and beckoned me to follow them. I was led into a corridor. I could see the cells and hear their occupents muttering and sobing. I turned and steped into a room.

A small red-haired women sat in the middle of a small white room filled with only a plain brown table in the center. Ther were two chairs, one which Dr. Veera occupied. I sat down in the empty seat across from her.

"So Miss Swan how are you holding up?" Dr. Veera asked as she looked me over.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. She knew I wouldn't talk. I don't why she even played this game. I wasn't giving up anytime soon.

"Hmmm..." she mummered and wrote something down in her notebook.

"So... have any more vampires come along lately?" Dr. Veera asked as if she was talking to a very stupid three year old.

I gave her my best death stare and looked away.

"I'll take that as a no..." she said more to herself than me, writing another note.

I stared at the table looking at non-existing shapes.

"You know Isabella," she said as she set her notebook on her lab and folded her hands, "you can tell me anything. I won't tell anyone."

I looked up at her and then stared pointedly at the ceiling. She looked up at the cameras.

"Very well then," she said and wrote another note.

I watched her write in the same notebook that she brought last time. She really didn't need to bring it, i mean why waste the paper.

"Isabella," she continued knowing my dislike for the name, "you've been here for over six monthes and you haven't said a thing. It must be eating at you. Please, let me help."

I stared at her pretending to think about it. She leaned in eagrly. I smiled and then shook my head

She looked discouraged and scribbled into her notebook. I had no idea what she wrote about me and honestly, I didn't really care.

"Well we don't seem to be making much progress, do we Miss Swan?" Dr. Veera asked with poorly disguised impatience.

I pretended to be facinated by a stain on the table.

"You know, I don't want to be here anymore than you do." I looked at her in disbelief. I mean _hello _its her job!

She stared at me trying to desipher my reaction. She wrote in her notebook and then slipped it into her bag.

"I guess I'll see you next Friday, Isabella," Dr. Veera said standing up. I watched her grab her coat and leave. I stood up after she left and went to be escorted back to my paded cell. It was Friday then. The end of the week. Happy me.

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**okay please review!!!! oh and its VEER-A as in BEER-UH**


	3. remember

**sorry i havent updated in a while**

**DESCLAIMER: if i owned twilight i wouldnt be addicted to fan fiction, now would i?**

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

once i was put in my cell i went to lay down. the cot swayed unsteadly as i put my head on the built in pillow.

whyd i have to be here? if i just kept my mouth shut maybe i could be i florida, tanning and hanging out w/ friends like any normal teenager. i laughed at the thought. i could never of gone back to my old life. i could never be normal.

i struggled to hold back tears as memories flooded back in.

_i heard a footsteps running as charlie noticed my shaking body_

_"Bella! honey what happened to you?" he asked as he led me inside. i heard him groan as he struggled to keep me from falling_

_"he's gone." i repeated it over and over but the words didnt feel right._

_he set me on the couch. he grabbed a blanket trying to keep me from shivering_

_"whos gone? edward?" charlie asked. a sob ripped through me at the name_

_"how could he just leave me? he told me he loved me. he did love me. right?" i wasnt sure of anything anymore_

_charlie look at me as if wanting to say something. i didnt give him the chance_

_"but he was to good for me wasnt he? he didnt need me! he had his family! i was just another human to him." i said mockingly_

_charlie looked worried "bella i th-"_

_"just another human for him to watch grow old. just another girl to play his games with. just another person to be shoved away and forgotton." i grew quiet._

_"bella" charlie asked cautiously, "why do you keep saying human"_

_i weighed my options. i had nothing to lose besides charlie could keep a secret._

_"the cullens are vampires. they hunted animals instead of humans. thats why their eyes were gold. thats why they could stay in one place for a while. thats why they werent monsters." i trailed off at the last word_

_charlie looked worried "bella.... you need help."_

_i looked at him astonished. how could he say that? he was supposed to believe me!_

_"im telling the truth!" i nearly screamed, "last summer in pheonix i was chased by a vampire. he tricked me into going to my old ballet studio. i didnt fall through a window. i was nearly beaten to death!"_

_"bella! theres no such things as vampires!" charlie pleaded_

_"yes there are! i know! I knew them!" _

_"your hallucinating. they have places to fix... your type of condition.."_

_"im not crazy!! im telling you the cullens were vampires!! alice was a pychic! jasper could control your emotions! edward could read minds!! they were vampires! im telling you!" i screamed._

_"bella we have neighbors!" my dad said lowering his voice_

_"i dont give a damn if we have neighbors" i yelled not bothering to lower my voice "i wont calm down untill you believe me!! im not lying!!"_

_"bella you need to lie down. please. can we talk about this in the morning?." he looked at me, pleading_

_"you have to believe me." i whispered, near tears._

_"bella, get some rest." he said and walked out_

_i stared at the door for a long time._

_how could he not believe me? im his daughter. now he thinks im a mental case._

_i looked at the clock. 12:54. i left the room and made my way to my bed. i layed down on bed and currled up into a ball. a wave of pain rolled through me. i felt sick. i let the tears run down my cheecks as the sobs silently rocked me to sleep_

i stared at the ceiling. just a white ceiling. there wasnt anything different about it. just another wall.

i closed my eyes blocking out everything. the yells of other patients could be heard through the walls. my shouts could be heard though the walls. i didnt sleep talk anymore. no, that would give everything away. unspoken thoughts at their disposal. i could controlled that. but i couldnt hold back the screams when i saw him. no, i couldnt control that.

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**review!! updates coming soon!**


	4. charlie

**DESCLAIMER: the point of a desclaimer is to say that you dont own the book/movie, so i do not own the book/movie**

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

i repeated the same process in the morning. i got dressed, i ate, i brushed my teeth, i walked around my room, then i lied back down to think

i thought about why i was here, how it affected me. i realized how different i was. i hadnt blushed in monthes. there was no color in my left in my face at all.

i closed my eyes remebering the day i came.

_i opened my eyes. it was still dark out. i yawned. why am i so tired? _

_the memories rushed back stunning me. i froze as a wave of nausea hit me. i ran to the bathroom and threw up._

_i sobbed silently and went to brush my teeth. i finished and walked towards the steps._

_"hello? dad? charlie?" i called my voice cracked_

_"in here!" my dad yelled back_

_i hobbled down the stairs and into the kitchen. i saw charlie making, well burning, a pan of eggs._

_"would you like some help with that?" i asked. my throat felt sore._

_"no, ill just get us cereal" he said throwing away the eggs._

_i pulled out a chair and sat as he poured us both a bowl of lucky charms._

_"uh.. dad?" i asked between mouthfulls, "about last night i--"_

_"bella, i thought about what you said and i decided your right." his eyes flickered to the window._

_"really?" i asked surprised. i thought itd take a lot longer than that._

_"well i mean if you believe the cullens are vampires than ill trust you." he said looking towards the window again_

_i looked at him. it seemed too easy._

_"what are you looking at?" i said leaning to look at the window. i saw a van and two people in white uniforms coming towards the door._

_"who are thos--" i looked towards my dad, "you didnt!" he looked down guiltily_

_"bella, your sick. these people can help you."_

_"im not going to be locked up in some nut house because you cant get your facts strieght. im not crazy!"_

_"bells, ple-" he was inturrupted by a knocking on the door. we both turned to look at it._

_we were both standing. charlies eyes flickered between me and the door. i bolted towards the stairs as my dad ran to answer the door._

_i heard muffled voices as i slammed my door and leaned against it._

_"bella, open up!" my dad demanded. there was a hard knock on my door._

_"no!" i yelled back "im not lying!! the cullens are vampires!!" _

_all of the sudden the door burst open and i was thrown forward. i landed on my stomach and was roughly pulled upward._

_"c'mon lets go!" a low voice yelled at me._

_i fought back trying to get free of their grasp. i was dragged down the steps backwards._

_"charlie dont let them take me!! please! dont let them take me!!" i screamed_

_"bella, its for your own good." charlie said, torn._

_"im not lying!! im not mental! charlie!!" i yelled_

_i was dragged out of the house and thrown into the van. they slammed the doors and walked to the front._

_"charlie!" i yelled banging my fists against the door, "charlie!!!"_

_"shut-up! i dont need to hear you the entire way" i another gruff voice yelled_

_"please" i whispered, "please, im not crazy."_

_"of course not. just get sleep and you can tell that to the nice doctors when we get there." the first low voice said_

_i started to sob and i layed my head in defeat._

the voice on the speaker spoke.

"miss swan you have a visitor."

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**review!! another chapter as soon as i get at least 10 reiews total**


	5. the visitor

**kEXTREAMLY SORRY FOR THE SUPER LONG WAIT!**

**HERE YOU GO IM SORRY!!!!**

**DESCLAIMER: I wish I owned twilight and if I did I wouldn't be wishing would I?**

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

_"miss swan you have a visitor."_

I looked around in surprise as if the person would appear before me.

The door opened and in stepped a security guard. He beckoned me to follow him. I quickly stood and made my way into the hall.

I was led past many cells and through many halls. we finally reached a gray door nearly blending in with the surrounding wall. I was pushed inside.

I looked around and slowly made my way to the single chair facing a window which saw through to the next room. I sat down.

The last time I had a visitor was around two months ago. It was Charlie. Charlie said he was disappointed in me. Charlie said he was never coming back. Charlie said he hated me for doing this.

Charlie said a lot of things. I didn't.

I stared through the window looking at the door. I waited for it to open. Maybe Charlie changed his mind, maybe reene was here? I highly doubt it.

I stared unmoving at that door for a full 5 minutes. I heard low voices outside.

I watched that door until the last person I expected to see walked in.

_Alice!?!_

Why was she here!?! Am I dreaming? No im not dreaming. I cant be dreaming! This is real! Right?

I watched as she slowly, well slowly for her, walked and sat down. She reached over and unhooked the phone on her right.

I just stared at her, wide eyed, like she was going to disappear. She waited patiently until I slowly reached over to my right and put the receiver to my ear.

She spoke first, "hi Bella." She sounded as if she was afraid I'd yell. Like they ever cared how i felt. I stayed silent

"look Bella, im sorry. Please don't be mad." She looked at me pleadingly, "please."

"we're sorry that we left. Im sorry" she said softly.

"you're sorry?" I asked, whispering, speaking for the first time in nearly six months.

"oh bella! They told me you hadn't spoke in monthes I didn't th-"

"you're sorry?" I repeated slightly louder.

"well yea I…." she trailed off as she saw what was going to happen.

"YOU'RE SORRY!!" I screamed. "THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY!! YOU'RE SORRY!!!!"

She stared at me in shock as all the anger of six months of solitude came pouring out.

"HOW DARE YOU! _HOW DARE YOU_ COME HERE AFTER LEAVING ME FOR ENTIRE SIX MONTHS! YOU LEFT ME HANGING ON TO NOTHING! _NOTHING!"_

"bella please I didn't mean to. I—"

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU COME BACK!?! YOU DIDN'T CARE THEN!!! WHY SHOULD YOU CARE NOW!!?!"

"I did care, I do ca—" she started

"IF YOU CARED!!!_, YOU WOULD HAVE THE DECENCY TO __**STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!" **_I screamed tears streaming down my face.

I stood up knocking the chair over in the process and ran to the door banging my fists on it until they bled.

"let me out! Get me away from her! Please!" I yelled between sobs.

A guard opened the door and I fell onto him trying to get him to take me away.

"get me away! Let me go home! Let me go anywhere! I don't care! I don't want be here! Get her away from me! get her away from me!!" I shouted trying to get him to listen to me.

He just looked at me like I was crazy. Which I probably was.

"lets just get you to your cell?" he said well more asked

"yes! Yes, please just- just- get me out of here." I said tears staining my cheeks.

"Just follow me" he said sounding relieved. Probably because he didn't have to deal with a half mad teenager.

I nearly ran down the corridors trying to find my cell. When we reached it I flung my self into the room and ran to my bed.

I heard the low thud of the door being locked, then silence

My labored breathing echoed in the small room. Her face kept running through my mind and……his….

It hurt to think, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to live. And I just needed to make it stop…

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**So there we have it :) sorry for the super long wait! REVIEW FOR FASTER UPDATES!!!!!!!!!! :)**


	6. why?

**SUPER FAST UPDATE!!**

**school starts on tues. aug. 24 tomorrow (well tomorrow when im writing this) so ill be busy but ill try to update as much as possible :)**

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

_I heard the low thud of the door being locked, then silence_

_My labored breathing echoed in the small room. Her face kept running through my mind and……his…._

_It hurt to think, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to live. And I just needed to make it stop…_

......

**APOV**

how could I do that to her? she never did anything wrong. I'm gonna kill him!

I quickly walked out of the building after meeting with bella. I skipped down the steps and into Carlisle's Mercedes. As soon as my foot touched the pedal I was around the corner. I searched the future looking for my brother

_****_

_I walked through the thick forest. the fallen leaves laced the ground. the trees swaying with the non-existent breeze._

_I closed my eyes and listened..._

_sounds of life circled me. I heard crickets, robins, butterflies, deer, and a—_

_I took off running towards that one unmistakable sound. I flew over the forest floor, passing under low branches. I saw the opening around a mile ahead._

_I stepped into the clearing stifling a gasp as I looked at the sunken figure in front of me_

_****_

I focused back on driving. I knew how much pain he was in and it hurt to see him like this.

I pushed the car forward, leaving bella behind.....

**EPOV**

why?

just one of the questions you keep asking but never get an answer to.

why is the sky blue? why is the grass green? why does the things that make you happy always hurt the most?

why?

I was lying down staring at the stars, the grass brushing against my skin. I hated looking at the skies it reminded me of her... my bella...well just bella now...

shes probably forgotton me. I know she thought she loved me.... that I thought she loved me but.....people change... I cant be with her, I cant hurt her, not anymore.........

I stood up and stared at my meadow, her meadow, our meadow it doesnt really matter anymore....

I promised my self that id leave her alone, that id never put either of us through this again but if going through all that pain meant I got to see her, to listen to her voice one more time, then it was worth it

my eyes trailed to the spot where she sat once. it hurt to think about her. I mean it physically hurt to know everything that happened, everything that could have been...

She was the only person I could love and the one person I couldn't have

I kneeled on the ground and held my chest. the dry tearless sobs coursed through my frozen body shaking me.

how could I let her go? my beautiful angel go? I loved her more than anything. I truly did....

and now right now, more than ever, I wanted to die

I heard a soft gasp and looked up at my sister. I stared at her soft expression and whispered the one word that meant anything to me

"why?"

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**YAY!!! EDWARDS AND ALICES POINT OF VIEW!!!! MORE REVIEWS = FASTER UPDATES**

**IF THIS STORY MAKES YOU DEPRESSED PLEASE SEEK YOUR LOCAL THERAPIST AND STAY AWAY FROM ALL KNIVES, BLADES, AND SPOONS............**


	7. you did

**Sorry I almost discontinued this story but I decided I loved you guys to much to do that :P**

**DESCLIAMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.......now Edward..... that's a different story**

**:::::::::::::::::::::::**

_I heard a soft gasp and looked up at my sister. I stared at her soft expression and whispered the one word that meant anything to me_

"_why?"_

....

after a few seconds of silence she spoke

"Edward you have to get up."

"no"

"you cant do this to yourself, its not yo—"

"of course its my fault!" I snapped, "who else's fault would it be? I hurt her, alice, and I deserve every moment of pain for that."

"Edward, im serious get up!" her hands on her hips her sort pixie frame slightly bent. It was almost comical.

"alice don't yo-"

"no don't _you_ go "alice'ing, me edward. get your butt off the ground and go find her." she grabed my arm and swung me off the ground.

"I cant-" I started trying to make her understand.

"oh yes you can. you keep feeling sorry for yourself. have you ever thought about bella?" I flinched at the name

"of corse I have. I think about her every second of everyday." I could feel alice pulling me through the forest. the anger rolling off her in waves.

"no I mean have you ever thought about how she feels. how much you might of hurt _her_??"

"what do you mean?" I said stopping

"edward we can talk about this later." she rubbed her temples

"or we can talk about it now. what do you mean." I demanded as she looked up at me

bella is...." an that is when I saw it.

_bella staring_

_bella screaming_

_bella crying_

_bella running_

_bella, bella, bella, bella_

if this is how she reacted to alice, id hate to see how she reacted me. what happened to her? did Victoria toture her to the point of insanity??? did laurant come back???

"where is she?"

"she's......in an asylum."

"an asylum but why????"

she breathed sigh before looking at me and saying

"you put her there."

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**well thank you and review for faster updates :) sorry for the long wait btw **

**heres a cookie --- (::)**


	8. it not that

**DESCLAIMER: ** I SADLY AM A TWILIGHTLESS OWNING PERSON

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"_an asylum but why????"_

_she breathed sigh before looking at me and saying_

"_you put her there."_

::::::::::::::

**BPOV**

_alice? alice!?!_

what the hell happened??? she just walked in here like everything was fine! like _I _was the one who was wrong!

I was in my room again, pacing. it hurt to much to just sit and think, my head was spinning so much I could barely concentrate enough to keep breathing...

but back to the point. the fact that she, that _he_, cared so little about me that they ruined my stability. it was hard enough being here anyways, much less when they think im going to attack them if they say the wrong thing...

its been hours since she left. well at least I think its been hours... the concept of time is just too confusing right now...

I wonder if he misses me though? does he think about me the way I think about him? does he picture my face when he closes his eyes like when I close mine.............?

I let out a soft humorless laugh

of course not. if he did he would have come to see me instead of sending alice.

but sometimes I wonder, if it had been different..... if I had just had Edward open my present. maybe have been late to my own party. if jasper had stayed just a little farther back....

damn it edward! damn you to hell!! why did you put me through this!!?! am I really that unlovable??

its hard to ignore the tears running down my cheeks and the thoughts spinning in my head.

I fell down on the bed, burying my face in my pillow.

I just wanted to go home. Just go to sleep and never wake up. to just make the whole world disappear...

I shook my head trying to shake the disturbing thoughts away. the mental picture refusing to leave, taughting me with my own lifeless corpse...

I sighed

its not that I wanted to die..... its that I dont want to be alive...

:::::::::::::::::

to much? let me know

and tell me if u want me to continue


	9. distant lights

**sorry for getting grounded but anyways, I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

_I shook my head trying to shake the disturbing thoughts away. the mental picture refusing to leave, taughting me with my own lifeless corpse..._

_I sighed_

_its not that I wanted to die..... its that I dont want to be alive..._

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**EPOV**

"I-I-I did this to her" wait this must be wrong. Alice is just messing with me, soon everyone is going to jump out of the bushes and yell surprise. But I know they wont.

"Yes Edward you did. And if you don't go and fix your mistake we all are going to be in trouble." alice said urgently

"Alice....." for the first time in my life I felt....unsure "what am I going to say to her?"

"I don't know what to tell you Edward, its your mistake." she gazed sympathetically at me "but I guess just tell her what your heart says."

"I don't even have a heart."

"Its there, Edward, you just need to listen. C'mon we need to go." she pulled me towards where I assumed her car was parked.

"I think Ill walk, I-I need to think..." it was just all too much to take in, even with my super human mind.

Its not that I didn't want to just run to her and get her out of that horrible place, because that's exactly what I wanted to do right now. But if I just go and try to help her, she wouldn't even look at me.

I mean, what are you supposed to say to the love of your life, after you've just run out on her and just left her hanging? I'm pretty sure they don't have any books covering that particular subject.

I gave a frustrated sigh. Why did I have to be such a complete idiot!

I hurt her. I hurt her so much, and I can't do anything to make it up to her. I just wanted her to be happy. She didn't even have a chance.

I have two choices.

First, I could leave let her forget me. In time id be nothing more than a distant memory. It might take a while but eventually shed forget. They always do.

Second, go and try to fix the mess I made. Try to pick up all the broken pieces of her life.

I could go the easy way or the right way....

"God Dammit!" I picked my pace and started running towards the distant lights.

* * *

**so which way is he running?? dun dun dun wait and see**


End file.
